My diagnosis...

Also posted on Pink Ribbon http://apps.facebook.com/pinkribbon/stories?section=vote

3 weeks ago, I went to my doctor with fatigue, pain and a lump I found in my breast. All of a sudden I was thrust into a whirlwind of tests: mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, MRI, Bone Scan, CT, blood work and so on. Only a week ago I got THE phone call..."Cancer". At 39 with two small children and no family support in the area, I found myself scrambling to deal with all of this. I’ve had pain in my left breast for years, but it was dismissed as many other things. Now, as a healthy, strong woman, I had to find a way to tell my dear husband, family and friends that I’ve been diagnosed with very aggressive breast cancer that has already spread. Naturally everyone has been as shocked as I was, and in a very short time they have all become very supportive.  I underwent my tests in secret though.  I suppose in some strange way, that would keep the news from becoming real.  I did not want to worry anyone until I knew for certain.  Funny thing is, before the doctor walked into the room with the sad look on her face, I somehow knew.

My greatest lesson of late has been learning to ask for help and not feeling bad about it. People want to help.
Talking to my children has been the greatest hurdle. I gently give them little bits at a time. I’ve had my moments in these past weeks, but I find myself trying to be positive and upbeat. I just find myself accepting it. Perhaps I am in denial and I will mourn later. I need to so I can move on. There is alot to do in the coming months.  I know others with take their cue from me. I need those around me to be strong. Sometimes, dark things can bring people together. It changes us and makes us see what is truly important. Life really is short. We must act on what moves us. The dishes will get done later. I stop what I’m doing to share a good book with my son. I’m strong willed. I will not be changed by this disease. I know I am loved by those who have come to support me. They know I will not be waited on hand and foot or treated with pity, I know they are there to call upon when I need help.

I want to help others find hope and purpose. My purpose is to survive, my hope is from all those that love me. I am ready for the good long fight.