Thursday, July 30, 2009

One more down, more to go

Hanging out at the hospital today. Got pretty sick after my treatment this week. My body is weakening on the chemo, but I'm hanging tough as possible. Getting fluids today and Morphine. Pain is getting worse and can't get enough relief at home. Vicious cycle of pain. Pills at home don't do enough, then I end up back here at the hospital to get something stronger.
I'm glad to have the love and support around me. All who come to help me. My gratitude is endless to you. I have morphine in me now, but I'm focused on getting home and hugging my boys. The folks were up helping out for the week. The boys really enjoyed having them around! My friends who are my family here are showing tremendous strength. I love you sustain me. One more treatment done is one less to go!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Gettin tougher

Hanging in there, but chemo's getting tougher. Side effects are getting stronger. It's knocking me down but I'm hanging tough. Had to go to the hospital yesterday to get re hydrated and medicated. Hung out with IV bags for hours. Missed a nice sunny afternoon with my boys. Feeling some better now, but taking it easy. Trying some new medications to handle the side effects. My doctors are trying to keep me as comfortable as is possible. Hardest part is not "being myself" on all the medications, being weak, seeing my boys not "seeing me" but a sick bald mommy. They are tough. They are amazing, they give lots of love and comfort and I tell them I'm strong on the inside and I'm going to be fine. Family and friends are doing so much beyond words. The help and support are amazing. I love you all.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Each day is itself its own day

A gorgeous sunny day....had to get out and move with my family. Boys went on bikes with their dad while my dog and I had a great walk on a local bike trail. They are amazing, my family....they keep paces with me!

Had a great evening out last night for the 4th of July also! A great time getting out and seeing the fireworks up close in downtown Pittsburgh.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Three weeks to date, hair is gone .... just like that. Took about 2 nights to fall out and then decided to shave the rest just to be done with it. Felt better. It does really begin to "hurt" before it falls out. Still got the brows and lashes, knock on wood....for now. Folks were up to help out for a week and had all the scarves washed. Guess they had no idea, I would need them the day after they left! Wore the first scarf for the first time last Tuesday to chemo. My friend showed up to take me and wondered if I had gotten fed up and cut my hair..........nope, just fell out over night! Needed to put a scarf on all of a sudden just like that! It's cool, I was ready. Even had one picked out just in case lost too much out and about! I guess I had a feeling!?

Doing rather well on chemo considering what it is capable of doing....mostly tired, weaker than I'd like to be, and have regular insomnia. Oh well, I get to write alot. Have alot of "brain black holes" too...just stop or forget what I'm trying to say out of nowhere! Or that motherhood or that I'm pushing 40 in a month? Who knows! It's easy to blame it all on chemo for now! Sounds too good anyway! When in doubt, blame it on chemo...can't pull the "blond" moment card anymore! Ha!

Friends are coming out and helping in amazing ways! I love you all for that! You all rock! You know who you are! I'm not sitting down on this one! And I appreciate that you all know that.

Tuesday is club chemo day number 4. The big day...lots of drugs...all day long. My babe will be with me for that day. He is amazing! Just moving forward, even after he's been in a car accident this week! I love him like most don't understand.

Time for me to get some rest before I celebrate our country tomorrow! I love what so many have given up so we can enjoy! Freedom! Thank you to so many who gave up so much to give us what we have here and now! (First time out in public with a scarf too!)
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