Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I thought I had a week off from going down to the hospital. The radiation department called me yesterday with the news they needed me for further measurement so I went down today. It was grueling to lay perfectly still on a hard tray with my arms above my head. Unbelievably, lying perfectly motionless in an unnatural position is quite painful and difficult. I have not yet recovered enough from surgery and my arm is in pain. It is still atrophied somewhat. I took medication before heading to the hospital. It enabled me to endure the half hour on the table. It's tough because I have a long drive to the hospital which is about an hour away, so I really can't take the pain medication I need to, so I have to just tough it out. I'm hoping to be able to drive to my treatments as I need to go daily. I'm still doing chemo which will overlap a few times. I think on those days I will need to have my husband take the day off of work. I am in pain and I'm tired now as I write this, so I will keep it short. Others say that doing this part of the treatment will be much easier, but I have my doubts. Already I know it feels like this part will indeed be hard for me personally. I will be awake, aware of my surroundings and in pain. I will be going daily without company and it is a long drive. It will be a long day, everyday. I will drive down to the hospital as soon as my kids go off to school, and I will be getting home just before they return. I must start next week. No breaks for 6 or 7 weeks. I'm already tired before I begin. I have been doing everything back to back and I'm loosing steam. I'm loosing momentum. I need encouragement. Winter is dark and cold.